It’s funny how sometimes we can be so resistant to doing the very thing that we know we need to do, the thing that has been helpful in the past or that in our heart of hearts knows is going to be beneficial. For me there are so many of these things, writing, going to the gym, meditating instead of vegging out on TV, and even smaller things like going to bed at a certain time, setting the coffee machine before calling it a night, or even using mouthwash (yes, I admit it. I don’t like mouthwash and I have no idea why). Every time I drag myself to do one of these activities, I find myself feeling glad I followed through, often times even more so than the times when I don’t have the internal struggle before the selfcare activity. Some of my most intense and fulfilling workouts have occurred on the days when I almost skipped my workout. What is it about these healthy habits that makes us so resistant to doing them? How can we change this resistant tendency for our own greater good?
“I’ve been so good lately, I deserve to…” Most of my attempts to avoid a healthy activity or to refrain from an unhealthy action (like going for that second heaping bowl of ice cream, my personal weakness) start with some attempt at rationalizing why I should allow myself to avoid or indulge like the quoted statement. Other rationalizations may sound more like “it’s ok to indulge now, I can get back on track tomorrow”, “anyone in my situation would go have a drink”, “I only need to practice self care when I’m feeling down or stressed”, etc. Ultimately, statements like these are just attempts to justify letting go of or taking a break from a healthy behavior, either to ourselves or others. The fact that we are having the debate and looking for rationalizations in the first place should be a flag we are walking into dangerous territory.
Starting and maintaining health habits can be tough, even when we clearly recognize the benefits. Just like I discussed in the post Growth is not Linear, most unhealthy behaviors we are trying to change have existed in our lives for a significant period of time. Most likely the healthy or self care behaviors are newer to us and we have far more experience with giving in to the unhealthy or undesired behavior. The more we work through these difficult moments and push to follow through with the new behavior, the stronger we get in maintaining our desired healthy behaviors and self care.
So what can be done? How can I follow through with making the healthy choice or practicing self care on those days when I just don’t feel like it?
1. Keep in mind that whatever action you take, whatever choice you make, you are practicing making that choice and engaging in that behavior. If you lose your patience while driving in traffic and yell obscenities as you bang on your steering wheel or stay calm when someone cuts you off by taking 3 deep breaths, you are actively practicing either losing your temper or practicing staying calm. The more you practice a behavior, the easier it will be to repeat the same behavior in the future.
2. “Do Something”. According to Mark Mason, in the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, the key to finding inspiration and motivation to do anything is to take action. Often we delay doing a healthy behavior until we feel inspired and thus “motivated”. In reality taking action brings inspiration, followed by motivation and more action. Taking any action in the direction of a desired behavior leads to feeling inspired to continue. This is why some of my best workouts happen on the days I feel least like going to the gym. By telling myself to just go and giving myself permission to do a light workout, I feel inspired to do more.
3. Give yourself reminders of why you decided to start the healthy behavior in the first place. This can be the most helpful for those times when we have some distance from whatever prompted the self care. Often we decide to engage in self care when we feel something is lacking or needs to be changed in our life. Then after practicing the healthy habit or making a desired change, life starts to improve. Some of these occasions might include hitting the targeted weight loss goal, entering a new relationship, or getting a new job/promotion. Even if you did not prepare for moments like these, you can still make the list and find a place to keep it so it is accessible when you need a reminder. Some ways to do this are to set reminders on your phone to show you a key sentence at a critical time, sticking a post-it note on your dashboard, or confiding in a trusted friend who can provide encouragement.
Staying on track will be easier some days than others. Preparing for these days will help you to stay on track and to fight the “I don’ want to!” days. And when your preparations fall short, it seek ways to refresh your perspective and carry on!
Gaining a Fresh Perspective 